“I MIGHT KNOW ME”

      My post is on the first question of interest listed on the blog How do you see your identity as an artist? How do you (if you do) reconcile the politics of the public versus the personal, the fragile areas of practices? How do you as an artist investigate the intimate personal histories that need retelling?” 

 

Identity is a term which sometimes confuses me,  am I an artist? I yet don’t  know. Sometimes I feel I am an artist, sometimes I feel I am nothing. I am learning drawing &paintings from my childhood but I was never that serious about any art, at that time I learned musical instruments and many other things but nothing properly. I was never serious about anything, until  2nd year of my college.

Language is one of my problems from childhood, my mother tongue is Bengali,  but I never read Bengali properly because in my school there was no Bengali, only Hindi and English was there.I didn’t like to read that was my problem and hence I ended up becoming very poor in English and as well as Hindi.  I somehow can't get words and phrases etc. Together I am not good at that .  after I got admission in art college that time also I wasn’t serious, about art. but somehow because of one good teacher I started getting interests because before that art for me was just a curriculum which was one of  my hobbies , but when I learnt that it is not only a curriculum activity  it is a language like English, Hindi etc . it gave me interest  I started seeing  paintings , attended classes on history of art , slowly slowly  art became  a language to me to communicate with myself and I started expressing  whatever  I wanted to  it gave me a confidence somehow . I am a person who lacks motivation and confidence. Because sometimes what I do I just do intuitively without knowing, and I find pretty confusing whether it is something or not.

 

 I never had any interest in politics or whatever related to that is happening outside because I don’t know I  don’t find that directly related to me. I am not against anything but I think politics is everywhere in a family, with friends and we all are connected with that and that is more direct to me which I have to deal with. I don’t read the newspaper I don’t know why but I don’t like,  I  somehow find newspaper boring and a lot of hard work to read, I see images in newspapers. My general knowledge is very bad. But I find experiencing something rather than just knowing it is essential.Thanks to the internet I can read what I like,  for me like to see videos rather than reading. reading is really a good habit but I don’t find it interesting, but now I am reading  &writing a bit. because there are certain things I feel can only be expressed bt writing. I write in my diary. but more than writing I think my drawings, photos, videos, somehow works as a diary for me.  these are two of my works I did recently, the medium is mixed media,  digital print on paper.

 

                                                                                            

 


I enjoy what I do.  medium is sometimes very important to me sometimes it is not. I do paintings, photographs, videos, GIFs, etc. I don’t think much while working I play. I love accidents, I feel accidents are really important.  I m trying to know more about myself, art helps me in that someday I might know myself. I always like to question the way I look things, are there more ways of looking? I think there is, and sometimes I look things differently through different mediums.  

I am writing blog for the first time I don’t  know how to write, I tried. I  am up for any conversations and I want to know  & learn from u all. 

 

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